#06 BERLIN BY C.

All Eyes On > #06 BERLIN BY C.

a Berliner's prospective

Carl Bergman

He/Him

IG: @carl_bergmann_

Reading time: 6min 0sec

Speaking time:  11min  34sec

Vibrant, cosmopolitan, diverse, bustling, trendy, contemporary, multicultural, lively, energetic, edgy, avant-garde, progressive, hip, eclectic, innovative, inclusive...That and much more is Berlin. 

Anyone who has experienced it, to any extent, could add new adjectives, even coin new ones.  Victim and survivor of history, it is the capital that has most enchanted the new generations over the past 30 years. 

Carl, class of '95, Berliner. A speck in the desert of coolness, hype, rave, gender identity. 

A spotlight shines on him today as he tells his story.

"The beginning isn't about Berlin - although it's always been a very important place for me, I hadn't really spent time there for many years because I lived in Cape Town for three years and then I moved to Italy, Venice to be precise.

I took a sabbatical where I worked in a kindergarden for a year and then I actually extended my time there because I had such a good time and I met really amazing people but I couldn't have asked for like a better time and I think like they say you should leave on a high note so there was a point where I was sure it was a good time to actually leave Venice. 

I also feel like that was a moment where Berlin was a kind of calling for me because I kind of pushed off coming home as I've always been excited and curious to see new places.

Then I was like -you know what?! Let me start again. Let's see what's there for me-... I wasn't really sure what was going to be there.

Cities change a lot over time, so I didn't really know what to expect, but I didn't have any expectations at all and I came back here at the beginning of 2021.

Wintertime is not the easiest time in Berlin. The city is very anonymous, and closed off, from a human perspective it's not that accessible. Berlin can be giving, but you really have to have certain people or be in a certain frame of mind. 

There's an abundance of amazing things to experience, but you have to get there, and coming in the winter is definitely not the best time to do it.

It took me at least six months to really familiarise myself with the city again, I was here but I don't think I was really present. I was asking myself -Will I find what I'm looking for here?-

However, at that point, I didn't really know what I was looking for. 

I knew some people from my time before here, so I was reconnecting with them. 

But I was also a brand new person after a long time away experiencing life in other places, I really wanted to look for something new, like a new group of people, a new kind of environment. I also wanted to be aware of where I like it or don't like it, where I want to live or don't want to live, and who I want to live with, finding a place to live in Berlin is like winning the lottery. 

I found a really nice shared flat here in Prenzlauer-Berg, where I live now, and the people are amazing. 

Prenzlauer-Berg is actually where my dad grew up. So it's kind of funny that I ended up here. 

It's a place you like to be, it's a really safe space. So I was super lucky to find not only a great place but also great people.

Most of my family have moved here, to the outskirts of Berlin, like my mum and my sister, my brother lives with me. They are my closest family members, so that helped a lot and I felt like it was kind of an arrival for all of us because we had been all over the show.

This was a time when everybody wanted to reconnect in a way, we all came from different experiences and we just wanted to be closer, I've always been very close to them but I think this was the time when it wasn't enough to feel close, I wanted to be physically close... have them around, see them a lot. Everyone in the family had the same urge at the same point.

In terms of how I approached the city, I asked myself -how do I want to spend my time in this scene, what is something that I want to engage with, explore, and learn about- maybe even something that I hadn't really paid attention to before, and one big thing turned out to be activism, queer activism.

I've always been kind of aware, I've done a bit of activism, but I've never been part of a group, like an organisation. 

So that was also something I was actively looking for when I moved back to Berlin.

And it's actually funny because the city I lived in before, Venice, was kind of the connector because I met a person, he's a queer activist from New York. Adam Eli, I met him at a house party and then we connected. Two months later he was giving a talk in Berlin, he invited me to the talk which was about what it's like to be queer and Jewish and an activist in the US. At that event, I also met members of this activist group called Voices 4 Berlin..and that's the activist group that I'm a part of today. We do queer activism here in Berlin. 

Once I was just sitting there listening to the lecture and then afterward meeting with people telling me the work that they do, the activism structure, and how the community is connected with who they collaborate with. I thought -this is exactly what I was looking for-

It wasn't just about - where am I as a person? - but more about - where can I be more active within the queer scene? What can I do actively?-

Not just be a member, which of course I already was, but what is there that I could actively like? How could I participate and create more? Because I was always aware that it's obviously a privilege to even have a space and a community to go to.

Knowing that, I was lucky to be in a city where the community existed, but then realistically creating that community and making it bigger, making it stronger, supporting it.

That was my greatest achievement in terms of personal growth and transformation. Realising the power that the collective has, connecting with people at that level, organising things, there's a variety of things like organising marches, we've had collaborations with queer organisations in Poland as well as doing activism work obviously locally in Berlin, all these actions add a layer of value to my life.

I'm more mindful that if you choose something, you're also against something, so I've chosen certain circles that I actually want to be in, and certain types of people that I only want to surround myself with. 

With all that came the idea that I was more, I perceived more.

There are certain situations you don't have to be in if you don't feel comfortable if you don't feel respected, so that was a big change for me too. I realised what I didn't have to do.

LGBTQA+ is a huge community in Berlin.

First of all, it's a very diverse and giving community. There's always someone new, something new.

To connect in the way that we do, to have the spaces that we have, also physical spaces, especially parties, the club scene: when you walk through that door, it's a safe space where you don't have to think about homophobia, racism, sexism...

 It is literally, and I mean for a lot of people, the only time that no one has to think about these things. 

If you've never experienced that, it's really hard to understand what it means. 

It's a moment of pure joy, connection, sharing, you're celebrating music, you're celebrating dance, you're basically celebrating life. 

What's different about the community here is that people are so present, aware, and at the moment in a very light, deep, and meaningful way, it's not just the surface, you really dive into a really meaningful exchange. People are very honest. People really share a lot.

Then it's not just the fun part, the community can always be better because it can never be safe enough, it can never be big enough. Even within the community, there are issues of racism, sexism, transphobia, etc... that need to be addressed. It's a never-ending work in progress."

His concept of the pursuit of happiness is a final question to Carl: 

"It's an encounter with someone, it's a certain energy.

What you can give to others, what you need from others, in between the two is finding a way to communicate the essence of it, that meaningful engagement. 

With activism, I found myself in those moments where I was so very grateful even to be so happy,"

A call for a re-examination of raving and clubbing from different perspectives.